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Title:Real Men/Women of Genius #113
Date:Friday December 2nd, 2011
[Default Article Image]Bud Light presents...


{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we salute you, Mr. "Cyber Monday Only" Millennial Shopping Runner Who Just Can't Wait To Spill The Beans.

{"Looooooooooooook at alllllllllllll-the-gas-mo-ney-I'm-saaaaaaaaaaaaa-ving!"}

"Amazon is having a limited sale on Gummy Bears," you post up and tell us. "And I just bought a Garmin Forerunner on sale--till noon--which I'm giving to my great-grandmother for Christmas!"

{Weeeeeeeeeeee think she'll just looooooooooooooooooooooooove it!}

Please. By the time we read our email, the limited sale you're wanting us ALL to glom onto will have been over with by a day and a half. And really, your great-grandmother? Uh-huh. We see right through that. You're hoping she'll kick off soon and leave "her" running accessories to *you*.

{"You caaaaaaaaan't blame a guy for beeeeeee-ing thought-fulllllllllllll!"}

We wonder what "finds" you're discovering for your non-running parents, and all your sedentary siblings as well. Is Holabird selling Reeboks cheap? How about double-water-bottle waistpacks? Sure, your mother will be surprised.

{"I so don't know what-to-get my girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl-friend!!"}

Please tell us if the sale is still on for track spikes' polish and cleat cleaner which you'd like to give your sister. And maybe some online apps store has a topographical mapping program--complete with 3-D vistas and cross-sectioning through every mountain pass in the world--which your bowling-only brother might like. And do tell us after the holidays, won't you? Just how overjoyed your family all was to receive everything you bought for yourself.

{"Don't-you-ap-pre-ci-ate-myyyyyyyy tellllllllll-ling yooooooooooooou?"}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light while you shop at your monitor, O Bargain Hunting Blabbermouth of the Millennium, because what you're probably going to have the hardest time realizing is that most of the rest of us already bought everything we need on Black Friday. And most of what you order now will be listed on all those little "packing slips" inside your UPS deliveries, saying: "Back-ordered. Temporarily out-of-stock."

{Mis-terrrrr "Cyyy-ber Mon-day On-ly" Mil-len-ni-al Shop-ping Runnn-nnnner-Who-Just-Can't-WAIT-To-Spilllllllllllllll-The-Beeeeeeeans!}

Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

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Posted:December 2nd, 2011 4:47 pm
Last Update:December 9th, 2011 11:30 am
Last View:June 13th, 2021 1:46 pm
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